April 23rd 2015, I turned 22 years old, and even though that isn't old at all, I feel like I had some sort of crisis on that day.
My birthday was a lovely day don't get me wrong, I'm very grateful to have a loving family and friends and for everything that I have, but it got me thinking, "When am I going to feel like a 'grown up'?" so to speak. When will I feel like I can handle myself, be completely independent and like my life is going in the right direction?
The honest answer is, I don't think anyone ever feels totally like this.
I'm constantly crippled by the fear of failing, even with small things, failing at small tasks makes me feel like a failure, like I can't do anything right, so much that I avoid doing anything risky, just because if I don't try, I can't fail.
Which is true, if you don't try, you can't fail, but if you don't try, you also can't succeed.
There are so many opportunities I've missed out on through fear of failing or the fear of what others will think of me. I've backed out of going to college to study for a qualification in a career I am passionate about, I've backed out of going on specialised training days with the company I work for, they were then offered to someone else who said yes and got the experience and knowledge that I could have had.
I've backed out of multiple opportunities to improve myself and push myself further just because I'm too scared to fail, I'm too scared to say yes for fear of what COULD go wrong.
It all boils down to being too scared, being rejected and caring what other people think.
Not any more. I've decided to say yes, as cliche as it is, I'm sure every blogger has done a post on "just saying yes" but when you genuinely feel the need to "just say yes" that's when it really counts.
One simple Yes is the difference between so many things, it could enable you to get your dream job, or just to enable you to try something new, but it is important to throw yourself into the deep end and enjoy your life as best you can outside of your comfort zone, experiencing as much as you can and that's what I intend to do. Even if it does go wrong, I have nothing to lose, so much to gain and so much to learn.
I've just agreed to do an NVQ in retail with my job, something so simple and so small, yet something I would have normally said no to, something that would have been out of my comfort zone and something that would create a change within my "routine", which could open so many doors for me. That's why it's important. I need to feel most comfortable in discomfort, that's when the real magic happens.
It's important to do what's best for you, it's important to do what get's you through life living as best as you can, it's important to live life, not just exist within it.
It's important to say yes. It's important to want to make mistakes, failure is something we create within our own mind and overcoming it can be an amazing feeling. I'm on my way there, hopefully!
Love Alicia x
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